My story

I want to tell my story. I believe it is important for people to understand how the pandemic has affected researchers' lives and outlooks. Some for worse, some for better. Either way, scientists need to be honest about the future and what it looks like on either side of the academic/industrial aisle. This blog is kept mainly for my own cathartic writings but I do believe that as more scientists communicate across the spectra of research disciplines and networks, we'll find something unifying about our experience.

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I distinctly remember the start of the COVID-19 pandemic hitting close to home. It was a crucial transition point in my life and ended up defining those like me. Most of my cohort had graduated with our doctorates and now we were at transition points between choosing careers in academia or industry. Across these past two years, a deep thought had been percolating through the filter of my mind and had ultimately reached the purified stage. 

My thought was: How are other scientists dealing with their work when the world is crumbling around them?

I finished graduate school in February 2020. I defended my PhD work and my dissertation was sent off, to the hands of the thesis office, where it was approved following the modifications required by the university. This would take a couple of months. 

I wanted nothing else but to pursue an interim academic position as a postdoctoral researcher. I had secured several interviews at both daring and safe institutions to perform neuroscience research. The thrill of performing research that I had a personal stake in outweighed the need for higher pay, job security, and being stuck in the for-profit, commercial interests of the bigger business sectors. Among the names  of the academic institutions were those of Janelia Research Campus, University of Pittsburgh, and the University of Colorado, Anschutz Medical Campus. These places had amazing vibes  (faculty, research areas, core facilities, opportunities) for neuroscience work, which fit with my needs and personality.

My final interview was at the University of Pittsburgh, where I had just wrapped up two days of interviewing with several faculty members and presenting my work on glutamatergic signaling in the mammalian olfactory bulb. I retired to my hotel room after dinner with my putative lab members when I switched on the news in my hotel room. *Click* 

The LED TV fizzled on and the national news came on. At the time, House Leader; Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D),  was translating President Donald Trump’s interpretation and assessment of the novel Coronavirus (SARS-CoV2). The governmental dysfunction was present, very palpable in the moment but I didn't think much of it. I pressed the power button , texted my fiance, and got ready for bed.  *Click* 

I didn't know that the events to follow would come to define me and my scientific generation.

One month later, in March 2020, the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic starts to spread across the globe. Scientific progress and authority on understanding the virus is questioned. NIAID director, Dr. Anthony Fauci becomes a target. NIH/CDC and various other federal institutions are interrogated for their role in working with Chinese scientists in Wuhan. Moderna/Pfizer/Astra-Zeneca are each accused of orchestrating a global conspiracy to mass vaccinate the public for whatever existing reason-under-the-sun. Scientific institutions are scrutinized by leading Republican congressional officials. Scientific funding becomes politicized and for some scientists, it can be ripe to grift. 

As I watch this unfold, I start to think:

How will scientific institutions and scientists weather these accusations? Why are we not honored in times where people need saving?

Time passes.

Flash forward two years. It is now January 2022. I have entered, what feels like, a timewarp. I am a postdoctoral fellow working in a laboratory now. I am a father now. I am a husband now. My family and I have moved from Utah to Colorado and I have chosen the University of Colorado, Anschutz Medical Campus to pursue my postdoctoral project. I am pursuing a project investigating cerebellar responses during angled reaching. My research has hit snags due to the dearth of training during the pandemic but all is going relatively well. I have collected a substantial dataset on a behavioral reaching rig which my team has built and tested and beginning to capture my first optical imaging signals in the cerebellum during goal-directed reaching. While my F32 fellowship through NINDS was not funded, I have secured an NIDCD T32 training grant slot for a second year. I have presented my work at a national conference and given awards to fully fund my travel for the conference. 

I am "successful".

My life on paper is (mostly) laid out for me as a budding scientist but I am; depressed, apathetic, nihilistic, and cynical, especially when the same set of questions enter my head over and over again:

How did I get here? What did I do? Who am I? How am I helping?

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Lost generation of scientists

I have come to believe that I am part of the lost generation of US scientists and we are directionless, forever wandering. The COVID-19 pandemic was our awakening. This underlying apathy across the scientific field is the underlying reason we are not pursuing academia. Our lives have disappeared into a void of despair. Our aspirations, our goals, our feelings, and our worth…gobbled up by time and place. You could call us doomer scientists but I like to think that we are still in search for inspiration, not completely fatalistic but not satisfied with the state of research as it is now. Many of us are heading for the hills in industry research (Wosen, 2022). We are quiet quitting academia.

As of late, academic Twitter has been abuzz with the prospects of how hard it is to find qualified postdoctoral researchers to join labs at higher institutions of education. Articles by various scientific news outlets, discuss the great “academic resignation” and its possible effects on academia (Gewin, 2022, Langlin, 2022, Woolston, 2022). It is abuzz on academic Twitter and Reddit. Right now, many principal investigators (PIs) are bemoaning the loss of viable postdocs due to the current market, where most of them are being poached by industry. In my personal discussions, and in my work as a chemosensory scientist, the dominant mood of those postdoctoral fellows who transitioned during the COVID-19 pandemic can be best described in the form of a taste percept: sour. 

I like to think I speak for most American postdocs when I say, “We are tired of the unchecked exploitation heaped on us higher research staff at the institutions in which we work”. At this point, something must give, and our only option is to use our collective spirit to push for more competitive wages that match the cost-to-living ratio in this country and to push for more aggressive legislation, to protect jobs for US scientists at such an early phase. Such policies would create equity and diversity, not platitudes after the fact. We need to create a competitive, but fair, US STEM field, based on exported scientific truths, not some imported pseudoscientific falsehoods.

With these observations, I propose a pledge, that; the rails of scientific progress will not be placed upon mountains of academia nor industry but on the backs of scientists. Therefore, we should aim to shed our shoulders of institutional burdens and place our trust in our work, ever pushing forward. I believe by repeating this mantra, I may regain an optimistic viewpoint to encourage the scientific pursuits that I originally formed as a student.

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My aftermath

It is now January 2023, I have moved out to Utah to be closer with family, my wife and daughter in tow. I have found a job I enjoy. I am a Technical Product Manager at a startup, creating immersive simulations by utilizing virtual reality and motion platforms. The company and I are hoping this can be use for repairing neural pathways affected by stroke and traumatic brain injury. My work is filled in working with video game developers, clinical managers, and design engineers. I feel like I am making a difference.

A familiar question renters my mind often: How did I get here? What did I do? Who am I? How am I helping?

I can answer these, for now:

I got here for my family. I did what needed to be done. I am myself and I accept it. I am helping by being present for people who need me.

The blog is currently under construction. Here I will post some of my personal thoughts and opinions. Stay tuned!